Handfasting
I have been asked many times, "what is a Handfasting ? "
My response was always the quick & easy, "A Handfasting is a Pagan Wedding "
But now as my own handfasting rapidly approaches, I am now looking deeper into the true meaning of what a handfasting really is and what it means.
While it is true that a handfasting is similar to a wedding in many aspects, and, if the HP/HPS officiating is recognized by the local authorities it will have the legal and moral obligations of a marriage, it is also something a great deal more.
After much research in books, talking to others and more importantly looking deep within my own self, this is what I have discovered:
There are basically two types of handfasting, first there is the "Year and a Day " handfasting, the other I refer to as the "Lifetimes " handfasting.
As it implies, the Year and a Day handfasting lasts for one year and a day. The time frame being typical of so many Pagan/Wiccan Rites of Passage and Initiations.
During this time the couple lives as one, acts as one and it is the goal to become "As One". While there is a specific limit to this handfasting, it should not be entered into any more lightly than a traditional wedding or the Lifetimes handfasting. For during the Ritual you are declaring your love, devotion and commitment to the other person, and, this can still be considered a legal marriage in some cases.
We have had the Year and a Day Handfasting, So what happens now?
If at anytime during this "Year and a Day " if either person decides that they can not continue, they may leave. However, they may not enter into another relationship with anyone else during the "Year and a Day". While a "Handparting" is possible, it is only in very very rare circumstances that one would be even considered let alone granted in this type of handfasting.
Ok so the Year and a Day is up...now what?
The couple has three choices at this point.
1) Go their separate ways with no bad feelings their moral obligation being fulfilled, and hopefully no legal issues to deal with.
2) Continue on as they have the past year. growing with each other.
3) Have the second "lifetimes" handfasting.
Ok so what is this "Lifetimes" handfasting?
As the name implies, this handfasting is for
ALL LIFETIMES,
not just this one lifetime as traditional weddings imply (i.e. the "until death do we part"). You are declaring before the Divine, the HP/HPS, and the witnesses present that this is the one person you want at you side and in your life for all lifetimes to come.
That my friends, is a pretty serious declaration!
You are taking an oath, making a promise, committing yourself to become one with this person. To be not only as the Divine but to become the Divine balance with each other.
One's weaknesses will be the other's strengths. Together, you become one with each other , the universe and the Divine.
This type of commitment goes way beyond the legal implications of a traditional wedding and marriage. It carries moral obligations, that if broken, will have severe consequences in this lifetime and beyond.
We tried, but we just can't do it...How can I get out of this?
As serious as a Handfasting is, a Handparting is even more so. The goal of the Pagan is to grow and become one with the Divine and in doing so practice "Perfect Truth, Perfect Trust and Perfect Love". If you both are doing this, there will be no need for a Handparting. As you grow to a closer communion with the Divine, you are also growing to a closer union with each other. If you are having problems with each other, then you are also having problems with yourself.
With that said, and recognizing that as humans we are not perfect, (if we were we would not be here), a Handparting may be requested, if at all possible by the HP/HPS that performed the Handfasting. The actual procedures will vary from Tradition to Tradition, Coven t0 Coven, Grove to Grove, and if part of a Coven or Grove, one or both of you may be released from the group as to not infuse it with any bad feelings, negative energies or polarization of the other members.
As I study and grow in my path it is my hopes that I will never be party to a Handparting. There can be no sadder occasion. Even in the grief of the Death of a loved one, we can rejoice in the turning of the wheel. But a Handparting is a admission of loss of faith in yourself, in mankind and in the Divine
A Handfasting is serious business! Think about it very carefully before you enter into one.
On the following pages you will find my own Handfasting from the Invitation and the Ritual we will use to picture of the actual ceremony and following reception. I hope you enjoy my commitment as much as I do.
You're Invited!
